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Okay [livejournal.com profile] panictowel  , I hope you're watching. This is the other thing that I'm not even sure I like anymore. I didn't properly complete it as a prologue because I originally planned for it to be a oneshot, except when I worked on it last I don't think it went the way I wanted to and it just melted into fluff like snow in the sun. I wanted it to be serious, showing thier whole relationship, ups and downs, some of the flashbacks were going to be arguements, keen memories, breif break ups and then the big finish where they go thier seperate ways and Bert writes shitloads of 'fuckyou! choke-and-die' songs, i.e. Pretty Handsome Awkward and Gerard writes memories of them having what he called back then a good time, i.e. The Sharpest Lives. D'you get where I'm going with this? So be prepared for this to change/be improved/deleted/left to rot. Here we go, (working title from The Begining is The End is The Begining... I think, it's a long long title so forgive me for getting it wrong if I did, and by The Smashing Pumpkins, but remixed if I heard rightly.) Recoil And Grace. Oh, plus, it's got all the tags 'cause I wanted to finish it and then post it to mychemicalslash to see what that lot thought.

Title: Recoil And Grace
Author: [livejournal.com profile] monvenin 
Pairing
: Gerard/Bert
Rating: PG-13.
POV: Gerard's POV I think, I might change it.
Summary
: An emotional break up on Warped, number fifteen on my prompts table 'Warped'.
Disclaimer: I don't know, don't own, not worth suing. All you'd get is my my laptop and some Doritos.
Author Notes: It's late, I'm tired. I promised [livejournal.com profile] panictowel I'd do it so I must power on, deds to her too.
Warnings: None really, swearing, mentions of thier past, nothing past the rating. Promised.


He walked down the street, squinting slightly at the sun. It was a hot day, wherever they were, and it felt nice to be somewhere else other than backstage, on stage or on the bus. The town was pretty, small shops and good smelling bakerys, although he did keep getting odd looks from passers by. Maybe it was because he was 'OMG Gerard Way!', maybe it was because he hadn't changed out of what he was going to wear on stage later to come out to the real world. Where the people thought he looked stupid in his half-suit and jeans that had gotten considerably looser than they were at the start of the tour.

As he neared the bridge he had planned to meet Bert at, he felt knots twist and tighten in his stomach. 'What if it goes wrong, what if he hates me, what if he loves me?' What if, what if, what if. All swirling around in his head and starting to make him feel like he was drunk.

He looked around every town they went to. Usually always the same, small shops, good smelling bakerys and people looking at him odd. He'd planned to dump Bert two stops ago, but the other towns weren't just right like this one, they didn't have the quaint little river-stream and the creaky wooden bridge over the top, in the field where only the dog walkers go. He'd only stumbled upon it by chance, taking a wrong turn near a building that looked suspiciously like a information centre. He wanted to find the café that Google had said was a 'fantastic place for a coffee' and seeing as the whole town didn't have a Starbucks, it would have had to do.

He thought about the place to do it long and hard, he needed somewhere quiet but not deserted, peaceful. The river.

Over the creaky old bridge and sitting down, his legs hanging over the side, dangerously close to the calm stream. Rooting through his pockets for his lighter with a cigarette between his lips, lighting up and inhaling deeply. He had prepared what he was going to say like a speech, ingraved in his head from saying it so much.

A light touch to his shoulder and a pair of crystal clear blue eyes, the loss of his cigarette and a hand on his knee. Bert was here, and had stolen his cigarette. "Nice stream. Nice place, something bad must be happening." He laughed breathily, rubbing a circle with his palm over Gerard's knee. "You didn't think to change before you came out here? I bet you got a look or two from the townspeople." He looked down into the river and exhaled smoke from the earlier theifed fag. Passing it back and looking into the other man's green-hazel eyes he began to look worried. He took a puff and replied,

"Well, I brought you here to talk to you." Bert looked down into the stream, and then away into the field that was slightly blocked by a few leafy trees. A small, 'oh.' slipping from his lips as the eye contact broke. "You see, I know we've been together a while now, and, it's been going great. But." He swallowed a thick lump in his throat, lowering his voice to just above a whisper. "But I think... Bert, please look at me." A silence, only broken by the sounds of small birds tweeting up in the nearby trees.

"No." It sounded watery and pained coming from a usually confident man.

"Please." He placed a reassuring hand on the younger man's shoulder, "Please, look at me." He swallowed again, unable to get rid on the feeling on guilt resting low in his stomach.

"I-  I. But... We, we're Gerard and Bert." He coughed, trying to hide a harsh sob threatening to rattle through him. Turning to look into the other's eyes, he tried and failed to hold back his anger and tears. "We. We were going to be together, and... You told me you loved me! You fucking asshole! How could you?!"

"As a friend, Bert. I meant that I love you as a friend, and I'm sorry, but I don't think that I love you as any more than a friend." Trying to comfort him, Gerard slid his hand down Bert's back and began to rub soothingly up and down. "I like you Bert, I really do, but it's Gerard and Bert as friends, not Gerard and Bert as lovers. I really hope you understand, and I know that we have a connection, but I think that connection would be better used as something for friends to bond over, and we could be really good friends. But really good friends." He sighed and looked away, "I know that this is sudden, and I know how much it hurts, and I'm sorry, but I just don't want to lie to you anymore. And when I look back on the us, and what we had, I won't be looking back on it with anger or sorrow. You know that we had good times together, like the lake?"

---

"Haha! Bert, no! Stop tickling me, please! Uncle, uncle!" He shouted, squirming on the grass, gasping for breath and trying to push the blonde haired man, who was currently straddling his waist and trying to tickle him to death, off. Only minutes earlier they were having a serene picnic before Bert pounced on him, almost spilling Diet Coke all over himself, which thankfully watered the grass instead.

"Never!" He shouted, and carried on tickling before Gerard started to cough and shout 'I can't breathe, please! Haha, oh, God.' to which Bert stopped his attack to le this lover breathe

---------------

Meh, I haven't gone over it because I though it might not become anything, I expect many a spelling mistake. It was very late when I wrote it. And! I almost forgot to add again, I haven't got a title for what I'm currently calling 'the cowboy thing', so gimmie some suggestions and I'll see what I can think up, after all, it's ded'd to you so, I guess you can call it whatever you feel like seeing every time it's time for a new chapter.

Date: 2009-04-15 05:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] panictowel.livejournal.com
hehe, i liked the part about bert writing shitloads of 'fuckyou! choke-and-die' songs, yeah, i know what you mean, yes. and from that description, i really think you should keep working on it until you're satisfied, cause this sounds so good.
okay, i go on reading...
there and back again: this is far away from your 'aggressive' style, like the frob for example, that's why you don't like it? and i don't know, if it's just me, but it seems that a lot of stories here tend to go the aggressive/honest/no-dreamy-emotions way now (or that's just me picking exactly those to read) and that you maybe don't like it because of that...? whatever the reason is, i like this - your descriptions are still so can't-find-the-right-word-something-like-pleasant-or-cool-or-fun to read, like-:

He'd planned to dump Bert two stops ago, but the other towns weren't just right like this one, they didn't have the quaint little river-stream...
...that really had something gerard-ish over it, he, don't know why, but it seemed to fit. loved that.

-the only thing i'd have expected to be different was bert. i'd picture him being more of an asshole, after gerard would tell him, or 'silently angry' - getting mad later after some time, when he was supposed to cool down or something. but that's just me and wanting to see bert kick some ass. cause i like this crazy dude.


A light touch to his shoulder and a pair of crystal clear blue eyes, the loss of his cigarette and a hand on his knee.
...liked that description, as if you were there yourself - everything happens in a second before you can react, it's just flickers of images. great one.

about the title-problem for the cowboy thing. i'll think about it, but i suck at titles, unfortuntely. maybe i have a moment, a sudden ingenious idea - which i highly doubt - but of course, i'll let you know, my dear, if that should be the case.

Date: 2009-06-02 02:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] monvenin.livejournal.com
Eh, the reason I didn't like it was because it sorta seemed like I was just shit-talking all the way through and I can't really see the end clearly, like I know what's going to happen, but the very end, is very cloudy.

Yeah, this will happen, but I refer to the cloudy ending part of my situation. I'm not sure if I want rl Bert or fiction Bert that's all pine-y after Gerard, you tell me.

This was supposed to sound like a 'Gerard is lost in his own world and doesn't notice when Bert gets there' thing because I suspect that he's like that a lot of the time.

I'm actually plotting out the cowboy thing to my friend, Caro, right now. So, the next part of that should be up soon, I say should because not only is it my sisters birthday v.soon, I also have some writers block that hates me and fails forever, DDDDDD:. You get deds for most of my recent work. I've only just noticed that, xD.

Date: 2009-06-06 09:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] panictowel.livejournal.com
first of all: welcome back, brian =)

hm that's hard to say, 'cause i prefer rl bert more, but then again i've read some ooc-stuff with all of them, which was good. depends on how it's written and where you're going with it - what you intend to do... if you need a sweet and sad bert then you should use him like this. (oh the power/joy of fanfiction)

yep, i loved that part so much - the gerard's-lost-thing. it could really be him.

you've survived your sisters birthday already? and grarrrrr writer's block. aren't there any meds against that? *insertmadsmiley*

Date: 2009-06-06 09:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] panictowel.livejournal.com
speaking of meds. placebo is touring and. not. coming. to me.
i'm seriously considering traveling to the uk or denmark or whatever and connect a placebo-gig with a sight-seeing-stay or smth.

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